Hello 2012!

The Panda is busy so..

In a world full of awkward moments..there was one moment SOOOOOOOOOO AWKWARD.

It was really awkward..but I should not let it affect me anymore..

100 Questions

Will do this first.. )

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
   > “..pained expression when at last he turned and trudged back..”
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?
   > newspapers
3. Before you started this survey, what were you doing?
   > eating
4. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
   > BUDOY! =))
5. Without looking, guess what time it is
   > 9pm
6. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
   > 9:19pm
7. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
   > some kids outside playing
8. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
   >Christmas day, we went to visit some of our relatives..
9. Did you dream last night?
   > yes
10. Do you remember your dreams?
    > not anymore
11. When did you last laugh?
    >a while ago =))
12. Do you remember why / at what?
    >yes
13. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
    > a calendar, some pictures
14. Seen anything weird lately?
    > yeah
15. What do you think of this quiz?
    >okay. =))
16. What is the last film you saw?
    > Contagion -_-
17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
    > Australia!
18. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
    >DSLR and lotsa lenses, a new house, a new car, iPhone 4S for my sister, iPad for my other sister, trip to anywhere for my parents and lots and lots of food.
19. Tell me something about you that most people don’t know.
    > Hmmmm.. secret! =))
20. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
    > I would change the mindset of the people
21. Do you like to dance?
    > yes
22. Would you ever consider living abroad?
    > yeah..maybe
23. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?
    > hmmm. not really =))
24. Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
    > my friend
25. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
    > mp3 song
26. Last time you swam in a pool?
    > last November
27. Type of music you like most?
    > it really depends on my mood
28. Type of music you dislike most?
    > tagalized songs.ugh. anything Justin Bieber..
29. Are you listening to music right now?
    > no
30. What color is your bedroom carpet?
    > I don’t have bedroom carpet =))
31. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
    > More space for our store..
32. What was the last thing you bought?
    > some hankys
33. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
    >yes
34. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
    > yeah!
35. Do you have a garden?
    > I wish we had
36. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
    > LOL. no =))
37. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
    > I don’t know. =))
38. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
    > Zachary Levi :”>
39. Who sent the last text message you received?
    > my friend
40. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
    >I don’t have a credit card
41. What time is bed time?
    > 1am =))
42. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
    > Ugh. yes
43. How many tattoos do you have?
    > zero
44. If you don’t have any, have you ever thought of getting one?
    > nope.
45. What did you do for your last birthday?
    > Ate out.
46. Do you carry a donor card?
    > no
47. Who was the last person you ate dinner with?
    > my mother
48. Is the glass half empty or half full?
    > half-full
49. What’s the farthest-away place you’ve been?
    >Palawan
50. When’s the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
    > I dunno
51. Have you ever won a trophy?
    > yes
52. Are you a good cook?
    > I’m better in eating
53. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
    > No
54. If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?
    > Zachary Levi!
55. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?
    > sure did
56. Do you touch-type?
    > sometimes
57. What’s under your bed?
    > dust
58. Do you believe in love at first sight?
    > no
59. Think fast, what do you like right now?
    > ice cream
60. Where were you on Valentine’s day?
    > school
61. What time do you get up?
    > around 11am..it’s vacation, okay? =))
62. What was the name of your first pet?
    > Never had one
63. Who is the second to last person to call you?
    >I don’t know
64. Is there anything going on this weekend?
    > New Year!
65. How are you feeling right now?
    > a bit sleepy
66. What do you think about the most?
    > you. LOLOLOLOL.
67. What time do you get up in the morning?
    > During school days, it depends on my sched..
68. If you had A Big Win in the Lottery, how long would you wait to tell people?
    > I will not tell people :O
69. Who would you tell first?
    > my mother
70. What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema?
    >Breaking Dawn =))
71. Do you sing in the shower?
    > sometimes
72. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
    > K.
73. What do you do most when you are bored?
    > answer some boring questions like this. LOLOLOLOL
74. What do you do for a living?
    > I am still a student
75. Do you love your job?
    > .
76. What did you want to be when you grew up?
    > film director
77. If you could have any job, what would you want to do/be?
    > film director
78. Which came first the chicken or the egg?
    > really now?
79. How many keys on your key ring?
    > 2
80. Where would you retire to?
    > i dunno yet
81. What kind of car do you drive?
    > don’t have one
82. What are your best physical features?
    > Uhhh, my eyes?
83. What are your best characteristics?
    > I don’t give up easily
84. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
    > Paris
85. What kind of books do you like to read?
    > fiction
86. Where would you want to retire to?
    > this again?
87. What is your favorite time of the day?
    > eating time
88. Where did you grow up?
    >Cavite
89. How far away from your birthplace do you live now?
    > still here
90. What are you reading now?
    > this question
91. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
    > both =))
92. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
    > no
93. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?
    > yes
94. Do you have pets?
    > no
95. How many rings before you answer the phone?
    > two
96. What is your best childhood memory?
    > there are too many of them
97. What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life?
    > next question please
98. Any new and exciting things that you would like to share?
    >no hahaha
99. What is most important in life?
    >your relationship with God
100. What Inspires You?
     >”what”?

W-H-Y

I don’t know how to explain this. Me. Right now. What is really going on with me. Why I broke down. Why. 

 - - -

Why.

I love this three-letter word. It’s just a simple word, a simple question yet when asked to people, becomes one of the most powerful questions ever.  We often ask this whenever we experience almost every tough situation. People can be caught off guard when asked by this. Sometimes, we even hate to respond from this because it’s just difficult to answer.

Whenever I remember that night, I couldn’t help myself but to wonder WHY? Why me? Why us? Why this time? WHY?!? I wanted an answer but I can’t seem to find one. I felt really, really bad that night. I drowned myself in tears, tried to absorb what had happened and just stared..blankly. 

After seven months, I can still vividly recall that very night. Yes, it still hurts. But in those months I tried to find the answer that I wanted, fortunately I did. Not just from the person who I wanted to hear it from but also from Him. He has been telling me the answer all along but I was just not looking at the right place. Now, I can say that I understand why did it happen. I cannot express it into words but I know the reason is entirely for the better. I realized that the answer that I was looking for was already in front of me the whole time, but I was just not ready to face it, to accept it. 

It is hard. Difficult. Or whatever word that describes what this is all about. But I know I can do this. Two years ago, I went almost exactly like this..and I survived. Now, I can do it again. Healing may take some time but pain is just temporary. Soon, all this will vanish and I will be stronger than ever. A better version of me.

‘Till then, I will focus on what God has planned me to do. I trust Him and He is all I need.

WHAT’S UP, PANDA?

So here’s a brief recap of what on earth happened to me from the past seven months..

MAY 2011.

Summer vacation did not end in a very nice way. End of story.

JUNE.

I went to college! I started my first semester in UPLB. <3

JULY. AUGUST.

I had my first college headache..and so on..

SEPTEMBER.

Exams..projects..here and there everywhere..

OCTOBER. 

Sembreak finally came and booyah! Hello chickenpox for a week. Then, I still got the chance to go out with my friends. Yay!

NOVEMBER.

Right before the 2nd sem started, we went to Puerto Princesa, Palawan to celebrate my mother’s birthday! WEEEE!

Hello 2nd sem! BS GE! (will further explain this later)

DECEMBER.

Christmas vacation! I spent my first week eating..and eating..and Tumblogging..and Facebooking..and eating..then I felt the urge to write again. I totally miss blogging. PERIOD.

So today, December 26, 2011, I am going to write and write and write again! I want to spend my last vacation week doing productive things. ) In addition to that, I will be busy as a bee again next year. So yeah.

GUESS WHO’S BACK!

Hallo!
Merry Christmas everyone!

I know I have been MIA for a reaaaaaaaaally long time but hey, I am back! I am sorry, my dear blog for I was not able to finish what was I supposed to blog during the summer. The bottomline is that something came up that turned almost everything upside down. I went through a rough “season” of my life and I think I am still there…

Anyway, since my eyes are not feeling tired and my mind seems to be having a lot of fun, I might as well write down these thought clouding up my mind since my massive meltdown.

OYEAH!

Division Schools Press Conference (September 2010)

DSPC is one of the biggest competitions for journalism in both private and public schools. My last time to participate here was way back in 2006, when I was still in Grade 6 (Copywriting and Headline writing in English).

So this was my first and last time to join this competition as a highscool student, and I would say it was a really great experience.

Preparing for the competition was not that hard for me. It was just like those days when I feel like shooting pictures and writing something about them. I thought it was just that easy. All of those thought changed, though. As the competition came nearer and nearer, I was also starting to get nervous. Plus, I came to realize that, it will not be just a take-a-picture-and-write-an-essay contest. It will be something different. So, days before the big day, we practiced shooting using a manual camera (Sadly, manual cameras are the required ones for the contest). I used a point-and-shoot camera that has been used for more or less 10 years now. It was our “family” camera actually. At first, I wasn’t quite sure if I could win with this old camera. I really wanted to use an SLR of course but I couldn’t because I don’t know where to borrow it. So I just sticked with it and hoped it would still work well. BUT, anothere problem came to us. We weren’t able to buy films for the competition. We couldn’t find any 12 shots YKL film that is required for the competition. We only got answers like ” Out of stock na e.” or ” Wala nang ganun ngayon.” We felt hopeless. I felt so hopeless the night before the competition. 

The big day came and it was a bright and sunny day. A really perfect day for shooting. We arrived at Tanza Elementary School (I’m not sure of the name, I totally forgot. Sorry) and that time I was really feeling nervous. What my trainor, Ms. Fe, planned was still to find the films for us to use. She would sneak out from the orienation and go to the market or anywhere that sells YKL films. As for me and Janna (representative for Photojournalism in Filipino, my classmate and a good friend of mine), we went to the other school where our contest will take place. Good thing, it was just right across from where we are. We went to the building and can you imagine the suprise in our faces when we saw a boxes full of YKL films resting peacefully in the corner? We asked the whoever-that-be standing beside the boxes if those will be used for the competition and he said yes, and that DepEd provided the films because they also heard that some stores are alreadt pulling out those films. We immediately called our teacher and we bought the films. Whew. I can’t imagine how I felt such relief when we saw the boxes. I was more than happy. (the films were YKL 24 shots)

So yeah, we got our films, we have our cartolinas (for layouting) and  we have our cameras. DONE! What’s next? We went upstairs after we registered and occupied the seats for a mini orientation. The judge who is a professional photojournalist and news writer (yata) was really good in giving us some tips for the competition. He even showed us some of his shots and they were all fantastic. I was getting nervous and excited that time. THIS IS IT! But before that, I would like to share something that happened in the mini orientation. So, I told you that I will be using a point-and-shoot camera, but as for Janna, she was able to borrow an SLR camera and because she was not used to handling a manual SLR, she asked a student who also have a camera like hers. The boy was kind, he helped her how to properly put the film in the camera and how to adjust the settings but his classmate/schoolmate/partner/the counterpart (haha) was not so nice to us. She rudely asked us things like, if we are first timers and stuff. She sounded so degrading and so proud of herself. But you know, we just let it pass. Haha. So there, we were about to start but the judge was quite vague about what he wanted to see in our outputs. He didn’t clearly say what was the topic. He just said that it should be about school life because we are shooting in a SCHOOL! Okay. We all had a big question mark in our faces. K. We loaded our films in our cameras simultaneously, lined up and get our numbers taped at the side of the camera. Then, we’re good to go!

So this is what gonna happen, we only have 2 hours or less to shoot 12 pictures and since we have 24 shots film, only the first 12 will be printed out and you only get to choose 5 photos to layout.

The whole period seemed so tiring and frustrating. WHY? First, I couldn’t find any good subjects to shoot. Second, some of the students in the school were weird, some were creepy, some were soooo shy, some were soooo annoying and some were just plain nice. Luckily, I was able to grab some students and make them pose for me. HEHEHE. Yay! You see, you just can’t take candid shots of the students because 1. They will smile and go pa-cute in the camera 2. They will walk away or 3. They will get mad at you. So, our last resort really is to ask some students, “direct” the pose to them and *click*. Luckily, I was able to convince some nice students. It was very very challenging especially the photo I took/directed with some little students. I saw this little boys playing in the corner and I just felt like taking pictures of them. I asked them if I could use a little help form them. I even begged and plead to pose for me. Haha. I was really determined to take this picture. Fortunately, two boys agreed. Yay!

We went back to the building, unloaded our films and hoped that our pictures will come out good and not blurred. The next day was layouting. We arrived just in the nick of time. Nervous? Yes. My hands were so cold not just because of the airconditioned room but because of this pounding heart of mine.

My name was called and I got my pictures. YAY! I looked to my photos and they were okay. Whew. But, not for Janna. Another problem for us! They printed out the wrong pictures. Instead of printing the first 12 pictures, they printed the last 12 pictures. * The camera has this weird settings, I will no longer explain. So, she nearly backed out from the competition but, I told her no. I helped her pick 5 photos that she will layout. Good thing, there were 5 decent pictures. Again, we felt hopeless but we didn’t give up. So yeah, we made our layout as simple and as clean as possible. When we were done and we’re about to pass our outputs, we stood in awe when we saw the other participants with their beyond awesome layouts. O__O And remember the two students we encountered? I saw their pictures and layouts and sad to say, they were great, but then the rude one didn’t seem to like her pictures. She was so imperfectionist, when I thought the photo was really good. Oh well, whatever.

We passed our outputs and just said, “Manalo o matalo, magandang experience ‘to.” Yes, we were just after the “experience” that we will get from the 3-day contest. We didn’t care anymore if we win or not. I gave my best shot and that was it.

 DAY 3. Awarding and Election of SWACS (Student Writers’ Association of Cavite Schools). Upon arriving at Tanza Elementary School, we waited for the opening program to start. We even saw our former English teacher and school paper adviser, Ms. Joanne who is now part of the faculty of a school in Tanza. I missed her so much! Then, the election of SWACS officers began. Only the 1st year to 3rd year delegates are only qualified to participate in the election so, I had nothing to worry and besides, I didn’t really care. Haha. By the way, Karl (News Writing) won as the secretary LANDSLIDE votes! thanks to JM who nominated him to the position.  I burst in laughter when Karl won, all of the girls and even the gays were shrieking and kilig na kilig whenever he smiles. Hahaha. With all his charms and smiles, Karl won effortlessly. Congrats again, Karl! The election was so lively and funny. Especially the gay who won the vice presidency, he was so active and vibrant. hahaha.

After the election, there was a Talentadong Journalist/ talent show something. It was boring yet funny because of the very hyper newly elected vice president and president. Later that morning, we decided to go out and eat. The awarding ceremonies will start in the afternoon and we still have plenty of time. After that, we went back to the hall. The talent show was still there. hahaha. The place was now full of people and there were no more chairs so ended up standing at the back. We waited for 2-3 hours I guess, before the awarding started. I was not expecting anything anymore since I really had this feeling that I will lose. But then, I realized that even if you don’t want to expect anything at all, you will still have this tiny hope in the deepest part of your heart. So, the awarding began, THIS IS IT! I prayed to Him that whatever happens, I had the greatest experience ever and I am grateful for that.

DANDANDANDAN! There are 15 winners per category, the top 7 will receive medals and are qualified to the Regional Schools Press Conference, the others will receive certificates. The first one who was called was Aaron, yay! he won 6th place for News Writing in English. Next was JM, she won 4th place in Feature Writing in English. Then, SC she won 9th or 10th I forgot. Hehe sorry. Then, when it was Photojournalism, my heart started to pound so hard. Then, Janna’s name was called! It was like a miracle and we jumped for joy! She won 6th place. Next will be me, Photojournalism English. My heart was still pounding, but when the 8th place was called, I already gave up in hoping I would win but guess what? When the 7th place was called, it was ME! WEEEEEEEEE! I couldn’t explain how happy I am when I won.

I thank Him for this wonderful blessing. Thank You God, thank You because You didn’t give up on me when I was about to do so. Thank You, I owe You big time. I could remember my post in Tumblr, I asked for 3 things, 1. For us to be able to buy YKL films 2. For us to win. 3. “secret”. And all these were granted. Thank You Lord. I didn’t just win, I also qualified to the Regionals (RSPC). As I was standing there and waiting for the winners to be called, all I could think of was not really to win, but I just told myself that everything that will happen on that day are all His will for us and for me.

Again, thank You Lord for believing in me. Thank you for this great achievement and great oppotunity.

SEPTEMBER 2010

I think for the whole school year, I would remember this month the most.

1st Quarter has gone by, so quick and so sad. I fell in such disappointment when I wasn’t able to make it in the Honors’ List. And I can remember that day when I cried myself out after my Math teacher talked to me about this. He asked what happened. He asked if there was anything that bothers me. He asked if someone distracts me in my studies. He said he was expecting so much from me. I couldn’t even look at him at that time. I told him, I was having a hard time in some subjects and that I was busy the past days because of the DSPC training. And then he told me that I should prioritize things, that I should know where to concentrate myself. I felt the pressure he put me in. 

After that conversation, I ran in the comfort room. It felt so hurtful, just the way he said it and  how he slammed in face what I should do or what I should have done and what I should be doing. When my best friends noticed that I was taking a long time inside the cubicle, they asked me if there was anything wrong.I went out and cried, cried so hard. My heavy heart just felt at ease when saw them beside me and gave me the most comforting hugs. 

The whole day seemed so dull and blue. I thought maybe I was just not good enough. It took a little long time before I got away with my frustrations and anger. 

- - -

DSPC. Division Schools Press Conference is one of the biggest events during high school, atleast for those in the school paper staff. I was chosen as the representative for Photohournalism in English of our school. Of course, it was really one of the best blessings I have ever received. And just so you know, being a DSPC delegate was one of my dreams during highschool. And when I thought I was doing what I do best,I realized that I was neglecting a part of me. Yes, my teacher was right. I was concentrating too much on this. I realized that maybe I was too overwhelmed with some things, like the DSPC. Maybe, he was right. Yes he was right.

And when I needed someone to hold on to, I felt no one was there. But now I know, now I understand. When I needed someone, all I need is Him. Always Him.

I will never ever forget that day. A very vivid memory that feels like it just happened yesterday.

So long September.

AUGUST 2010

August. Ugh. The month that I hated the most. Yata. Hahaha

I can remember how annoyed, irritated and pissed off I was when we were having practice for our presentation in the Buwan ng Wika. I was in charge by then and my classmates were just uncontrollable. Well, some of them. Haha. I think I burst out a couple of times because of big time stress. Hahaha. 

UGH. Enough said.

Moving on, it was also this month when I took my first ever entrance exam for college–UPCAT!

It was a hot afternoon, and I stood in line, together with my other classmates. It was a very very long line. Hahaha. We had to wait a couple of minutes before we could go inside the testing hall. By the way, I didn’t study for the exam. Hahahaha. I just got lazy to review since we just had our exam and my brain was still not in the mood to get some random info. So yeah, we went inside and I just thought, ” Bakit ganun, ‘di ko feel?”. I had that feeling maybe because it felt like I wasn’t there. Wait, what? Haha. I took the exam in Imus, Cavite, maybe that’s why. I really wanted to take the exam in UP Diliman. But it’s too late baby, yeah it’s too late. Hahaha. 

The exam was hard. Okay? Plus, it was time pressured. I wasn’t able to finish the Math part. =)) So I just quickly shaded the last 10 items or more. I can remember that very moment when I was eating my Cadbury fruit and nut chocolate bar and the others were there drowning themselves in the exam and I was like there having fun with my chocolate. Hahaha.

There you go.

JULY 2010

This month was one of the best and busiest ever.

These things kept me busy as a bee:

1. Mock Debate - I was chosen as one of the debaters. At first, I really wanted to back out because I lacked the confidence to face my classmates and teachers while defending the point of the negative side. Why? I kind of hate public speaking. Haha. I really didn’t expect that I would be chosen. In fact, I just wanted a good grade during the eliminations. I didn’t really dream of being part of the debating team. So there. =))

2. 1st (and last) Midquarter Examination - K. Thanks.

3.  C.A.T - Yes. yes. Being the Intelligence Officer was a tough job. Enough said.

4. Preparing for Linggo/Buwan ng Wika

5. Preparing for UPCAT

- - -

July still left a blissful mark in my heart despite all the school works. 

The bond and friendship between the pupils of Obsidian (my section) and Quartzite were starting to grow. I was also beginning to adapt to the Senior atmosphere. It was getting better.

Another day also marked a big spot in my memory. That day. Yes.

July rained down beautifully.

June 2010

You may look at my “1st day as a Senior” post so you can somehow have a preview of what I am going to write.

So yeah, I will no longer talk about the 1st day stuff. 

June wasn’t that great I think. Maybe because I was still adjusting with all the changes that our school started to implement. At first I thought it was a dumb idea to make rules such as “no staying in your classrooms during breaks at lunch” and the ” five minutes before the ‘time’ policy thing” during those breaks. The reason was that they have been implementing that rule since I got there and they couldn’t make the students follow that rule. I thought it was just another rule that would be forgotten after some weeks. But, hell yeah they were serious about that. We can’t go upstairs until it is five minutes before the freaking time. It annoyed me a lot but of course we could only complain with ourselves. Plus the fact that my adviser assigned me to keep track of the time and tell my classmates when to go up or not. Le sigh.

Another change is that, for our Citizenship Advancement Training or the so-called C.A.T, we had a new commandant which for all us seemed to be so screwed up. To tell you frankly, most of us, Seniors, do not really like that teacher and that includes me. So it really bothered us, well, it freaked us out. Also, we thought it was unfair because the batch the we will be handling was his students for two consecutive school years. So violent reactions and comments and complains flood through the 3rd floor hallway. But, what else could we do? 

On the other hand, I still had a few happy moments during this month.  My best friends ( Daryl & Tintin) and I always had the time to have fun inspite of the terrible things going around. We missed Jahzeel though, because she was in the other section which really made us soooo incomplete.

It was also in June when I had to face a big question. The question that defined what is here today. It was that day which I felt something inexplicable, something that rarely happens to me.

In conclusion, June may not be the best month but it was still memorable. It was the beginning of eveything. It was one of those turning points which made me realize that I am now standing at the beginning of the end.

The Revival

Hi. Hello my dear blog!

So, it’s been a while since I last posted something here. I am so sorry. I really wanted to blog almost every day but most of the time, things do not go with me. I’ve been very busy since September. Well, sometimes I blogged on Tumblr, but I don’t know why I just couldn’t do it here. That sucks. 

So now, I made a promise to myself that I will definitely blog again here. It may not be every single day but I will try to make it every week. Yes! I am starting to revive this lovely blog. This is where I can spill out almost everything and I should not waste my time talking in front of the wall. Starting today, I will keep my blog updated with anything that comes to my mind.

Okay. As you can see, it has been almost a month after I graduated from highschool, so I think I will start there. I will blog for the entire week about my whole life as a senior. I will somehow summarize it per month. Reminisce the good times, recall the memories and just talk about what happened for the past months. 

And that starts NOW.

YESTERDAY

A lot of things happened.

Yes.

Very memorable.

—

After C.A.T, I had to wait for about 2 hours before we can meet up at 7-11 and go to the “party place”.

I stayed here for an hour, did some “paperwork”, drowned myself in music,  stared blankly into space, and just let it all out.

I kept on looking and looking and looking there.

—

Then, I went straight to 7-11 an hour early than the planned time. Because of too much stress and frustration, I ate and ate and ate. Hotdog. Soda. Ice cream. Siomai. YESSSSS. My comfort food. I stayed there for another hour, waiting for my friends. 

Then came 11:11 am. After a long time, I’ve wished again. Silly me, I wished for something that won’t happen.

Then, few of my friends came at last! One by one they came.

Then, *poof*. My wish suddenly came true. I thought it was impossible but you see, I was shocked, it came true.

—

After waiting others for another hour or so, we went to Cavite City. My classmate rented this “house” with swimming pool. It has two air conditioned rooms, a pool, a jacuzzi, a rooftop. I forgot the name of the subdivision. So yeah. I love the place. I would like to have a house like that someday. Teehee.

—

Hours passed, I was very tired and started to feel unwell. I fell asleep in the room. Then woke up feeling dizzy and sick. I went out and grabbed my things. I suddenly looked down and saw this two people, oh well I am so sorry if I disturbed you guys. I did not intend to do so. AND YOU, YES YOU BIG BUTT, YOU DON’T NEED TO CALL ME “PARTY POOPER”. I was really pissed off. What’s wrong with ACCIDENTALLY LOOKED AT YOU TWO?! Get a room please! I wanted to go down and shout to his face SHUT THE FUUU UP, but no thanks I would just waste my time. So yeah, I just gave them THE LOOK.

—

By that time, I felt ASDFGHJKL;. I can’t even explain. I was feeling sick, frustrated, pissed, sullen and asdfghjkl. What the hell. Then I’ve made up my mind, I needed to go. It’s time to go really. I don’t want to be late. 

—

I kind of made a “walk out” scene then, I wasn’t able to formally say goodbye also to the others and I felt sorry for that. I was just so frustrated that I couldn’t even think.

I insisted to go home by myself. What. I don’t care.

I walked and walked and walked not knowing where I was going. TEEHEE. Fail moment there. But I was able to go back to the right track. Then I saw my other friends about to go home. They said they are coming with me. I forgot what happened, I wasn’t paying attention.

Then:

Friend: Bakit?

Friend2: Oo nga e. Pansin ko nga kanina ka pa malungkot.

Me: ….. (burst out)

 I thought I already let it all out but no, I was still keeping a little more inside. I couldn’t say a word. By then, I just thought, all I needed was a shoulder to..you know, cry on.

Then we were there for a couple of minutes. I don’t even know what to do that time. I felt sorry for myself, embarrassed and angry. 

—

Then came the climax of the story.

It replays on my mind over and over.

—

Now I know. I am grateful to know. I am glad to know.

Thank you.

Now I feel better.

—

Good night!

Now I know

Finally, everything is clear now. I will never forget this day.

The day I lost my voice.

The day I was failed by my “never-been-wrong-spider sense”.

The day I saw droplets fell from those pair of stars.

The day I stared for a little longer in those stars.

The day I wished I could extend that very time more than anything else.

The day I was punched really hard by reality.

What’s next? The CHOICE.

Life is Beautiful. Life is Unfair.

The 2nd Mid Quarter Examination is over. Yay. I should’ve felt happy but I guess sometimes, life really gets screwed up. 

As I was scanning through my testpaper in Physics, I suddenly heard my classmate saying “YES! NAKALUSOT AKO!” then when I turned I saw her holding the invitation which contains the program for the Spelling Quiz Bee and the list of the honor students for the 1st Quarter. I felt happy for her. But then it finally sink in to me that I am not one of those honor students since our adviser didn’t give me any invitation. Of course I am disappointed of myself, but I already saw that coming. My adviser told me that I didn’t get any disqualifying grade, it’s just that I didn’t reach the target average grade to be able to get into the honors. That’s fine with me. I already assumed that because I got low scores in my Math and Calculus exams last quarter. So yeah.

When I  passed my paper and went outside the classroom, I looked at the bulletin board where the honors’ list is posted. I also congratulated my classmates who made it to the list. Then, I was whispering to myself, “Babawi talaga ako sa 2nd Quarter. Parang nung 3rd year lang ‘to. History will repeat itself!!” I also told that to my adviser. Ma’am, babawi talaga ako. As I and my friend were looking at the list, she told me, ” Ok lang yan. Babawi tayo. Buti nga may Angles naman.” Then she pointed at the right corner of the board that I didn’t seem to notice at first.  Then I just realized that the Editorial Board of our school paper has been posted. I searched for my name. And in my disappointment, I am still stuck there, under the “Senior Correspondents”. WOW. That is really disappointing. I had been expecting that I will be one of the editors plus one of my co-staffer told me that I have a position. Kahit nga Literary Editor or Layout Artist nga lang eh. Yun talaga gusto ko eh. Masaya na ako dun. I really thought I would get a position. I really want that and I would be so happy if I got one.  But.. oh well, that’s life.

Why am I hurt like this? Just for some reasons. You see, I’ve been in The Angles since First Year and I had written two articles and passed three literary pieces. Unfortunately, only one of the articles was published because last year (Third Year), there was no school paper published. So that means, we just wasted our time and effort for the articles we wrote AND wasted my guts to pass my poems, the very first time to share my hidden poems to the whole school. So my effort is not enough to qualify me for the editor position? Second, I do not know how the hell they appointed those positions. What I only know is that those who will be the Editor-in-Chief and Associate Editors are already obvious. But what about the others? What about me? Lastly, I just don’t get it. Why is it that those who have been in The Angles for only a year got positions? Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that they don’t deserve it or I am not in favor of them. Was there any test or something to get a position? Or did they just pick whatever name they saw?

For a moment, I was staring blankly into space. I felt such a great disappointment.

Of all those students, WHY NOT ME? 

 Para bang buong araw akong naghintay ng malakas na ulan, yun pala mali ang ulat ng panahon ng PAGASA. Ganoon ang pakiramdam. Nadismaya ka na, nagmukha ka pang tanga.

- Jackie

SEPTEMBER!

Sorry at hindi na naman ako nakapagblog.

Buong August ay napakabusy.

Ayun, UPCAT, Linggo ng  Wika Roleplay na ako ang nag-ayos, exam, at marami pang iba.

Magbblog ako soon! 

Pag may oras na. Pag hindi na masyado busy. KELAN KAYA YUN?

Sige na. Paalam. Ako ay mag aaral pa.

EXAM NA NAMAN! 

Well, That’s Life

Maglalabas lamang ng mga hinaing..

OK. Game.

Ewan ko ba kung bakit ganun. Lagi ba nilang iniisip na ganun kami?

Haay.

Nakakainis kasi, parang lagi nalang mali yung ginagawa namin. Konting aliw aliw, magagalit. Konting tawa, sasawaying. ANUBAYON!?! 

Nagseseryoso naman ako sa pag-aaral. Hindi ko pinapabayaan yung grades ko. May goal ako sa buhay. Masyado na nga kaming na-ppressure e.

Isa pa, hindi naman ako katulad ng ibang mga tao dyan. Bakit ba laging pinaghihinalaan? Ganun na ba talaga ngayon? Wala naman akong ginagawang masama ah! 

Naiinggit nga ko sa mga kaklase ko e, kasi sila laging pinapayagan. Bakit ganun, pag magpapaalam ako, laging galit? Papayagan din naman pero bakit may kasabay pang sikmat? Tuma-timing naman ako sa pagpapaalam ah. Hindi naman ako katulad ng iba na linggo linggo gumagala. GANUN BA AKO? HINDI! Minsan kaya ayoko magpasundo kasi gusto ko pa magstay sa school o basta kasama mga kaibigan at kaklase ko. Isa lang naman ang dahilan e. Kasi ggraduate na ko. Pag nagcollege ako, minsan nalang kami magkikita-kita. At minsan nalang nga ako makasama sa mga lakad e. Haay. Tsaka pag alam ko namang malayo at alam kong hindi ako papayagan hindi naman ako sumasama e. 

Masaklap pa nyan, DOMINO EFFECT, pag di pinayagan yung isa o nagalit sa isa, NAKAW good luck nalang kung papayagan ka pa.

Minsan talaga hindi nyo lang kami naiintindihan.

HAAAAAAAAY.

Before July Ends

It’s been a month since my last post. Haha. I’ve been very very busy. Aymsarreh. =))

So, July, July, July.
Compared to June, I liked July better.

I don’t know where to start. )

 A lot of things happened this month. Some were really depressing, some were irritating but still some were so nice.

I’ll count this day as one of the nicest days in my high school life. Hahaha. I just love this day. Really. ) Very inexplicable.  

I will be very busy for the next two weeks because, we’ll have our Mock Exam, Mock Debate (yeah, I’m one of the debaters. ) and UPCAT. Next will be our 1st Quarterly Exam.

So yeah. Will write again after two weeks. Promise!

—

I’ll end this month with a smile.

Good night! :>

Ma’am Permission To Speak Ma’am!

Last week was indeed the worst first week that I had since I entered Atheneum. I’ve barely shown my sincere smile. Yes, I was laughing on those stupid jokes and side comments of my classmates but really I wasn’t that happy. Maybe one reason is that, I miss my other classmates. Though I can still see them every day, it’s just that my mind always tells me “Last year na ‘to. ” I really can’t help it. I feel like I don’t want to end this school year. I want to stay forever young. Haha. Really. I think most students would say that. It’s not that I don’t want to enter college, of course I do! But what I am saying is, once I leave highschool it will be all different. No more petix mode. No more pointers to review. New friends. New teachers. New environment. No more this and that etc. Just like what our teachers say, “WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE” I am stil scared but I know somedday I will be brave enough to face another chapter of my life.

For me, every Friday is FunDay. I always look forward to Fridays, though it’s usually quiz day I still love Fridays. I always get that feeling of being lucky. I always think that something GOOD will happen or something (or maybe someone) will make me smile. But then last friday, HAHA. >:( It was one of those days when I really got mad that I wanted to scream and cry. So it went like this… I woke up with such optimism in my mind. As always I expected that it will be a good day. Later in the afternoon, we had a meeting with the 3rd year about the C.A.T. It was like an orientation to them. I was excited about that but all of a sudden I got really irritated and annoyed. So yeah, I am one of the Top 6 officers. I started to feel annoyed when these hmmmm 5 or 6 officers were in front of almost 65 students and they were all speaking at the same time. The other officers were so noisy and acting like they were just the ones who were in that gym. So, do you think the Juniors understood EVERYTHING that they were saying? I believe not. And if I were them, I woudn’t bother listening at all. What makes it worse is that, those people who were there in front are those who are in the lower positions. It really offended me and my other co-officers especially R***. He was supposed to be there. He was supposed to be the one who is actually explaining to them. *sigh* I am not saying that they don’t have the right to speak but we just want some respect. What’s the use of getting these positions if they will only take our place. Also, I can’t see their maturity–some of them. HELLO? Seniors na tayo uy. Sana man lang magpakita tayo ng responsibilidad at disiplina. Parang wala tayong natutunan ah. Last one, I wasn’t able to speak. Haha. Well, I did but you know..I was getting interrupted every second I try to speak a word. Dammit. I looked like stupid. KTHANKS. I was really pissed off. 

I love our batch despite of our flaws. Even though, I don’t like everyone. Still, as a whole I love them. I always want us to be united. Before we leave Atheneum, I would like us to leave a legacy that we can all remember. I want our batch to make history. I hope we really can. 

Good thing we had a meeting yesterday regarding the friday meeting. Yay.

4:20

1st Day as a Senior

 Excited na excited ako pag gising ko kanina. 5am, bumangon na agad ako. 6am, umalis ng bahay. 6:30 andun na ko sa school. Kinakabahan na ko. Nararamdaman ko na naman yung ‘feeling’ na ‘yon na lagi kong nadadama tuwing first day—at dito na nga magsisimula ang lahat ng LAST. Last na “ganung feeling” pag 1st day. Last school year ng pagiging Highschool. At madami pang iba.

Pag akyat ko sa 3rd flr. Nadagdagan ang kaba ko dahil, wala pang nakapaskil na listahan ng sections na pinakainaabangan ko. Kainis. Excited na excited na ko e. Ilang sandali pa ay dumami na ang mga estudyante. Sa wakas at nilagay na rin nila ang listahan. Hinanap ko ang pangalan ko. Ayun! IV-Obsidian. Saka ko naman hinanap ang mga kaibigan ko, lalo na yung tatlo na sila Daryl, Tine, at Jahzeel. “Ayun! Ayun! Ayy.. asan si Jahzeel?” Nadismaya ako. Sa aming apat, sya lang ang napahiwalay. BAT GANON?!? Hinanap ko rin yung iba ko pang gustong maging kaklase. “Ayun. ayun pa. Ayy. Nasan si ano? nasan si ganyan? Ay. wala. Bat di ko sya classmate?” Masaklap. Andami ko pa kasing hindi nagiging classmate, syempre meron din akong gusto pa ulit maging classmate, at lalo nang, meron din naman akong ayaw maging kaklase. Kaso wala naman akong magagawa. Ganun talaga e. Ang naiisip ko lang kasi, LAST YEAR NA ‘TO O. Bakit yung iba magkakasama? Unfair. Tuwing P.E. nalang kami magkakasama ng mga tao sa kabilang section. Haay.

Masaya naman ako sa section ko, syempre andyan yung dalawa. Tsaka hindi ko rin naging kaklase yung iba na ayaw ko, pero may panira pa rin. Hehe. Yun nga lang nakakalungkot pa din dahil nga pakiramdam ko may kulang. May kulang talaga.

Tatlo

===: Ang saklap e, TATLO lang kami dito. ((

***: Onga e. Tatlo lang iniwan nyo kami. Andun lahat kayo. (

^^^: Uy, apat tayo anu ba kayo.. 

Aw. Sakit non. Akala nyo siguro hindi ko narinig. Siguro nga ‘nagkamali’ lang kayo at hindi nyo intensyon, pero sana man lang diba. Kahit pa hindi na tayo ganun ka-close, part parin naman ako ng tropa, oo na ako na ang humiwalay pero hindi naman dahil dun hindi ko na kayo kaibigan e. Hindi ko rin kayo pinaplastic. Humiwalay ako hindi dahil hindi ko na kayo kaibigan, humiwalay ako kasi hindi ko nararamdaman na “belong” ako. Nakaka-OP e. Parang kayo-kayo na lang. Gayunpaman, sana wag nyo akong plastikin. Kaibigan pa rin turing ko sa inyo. KTHANKS.

IV-Obsidian

Napakainit sa classroom namin kanina. Nakakainis. Ayos lang naman ako sa section ko e. Sa room, HINDI. Ayoko dun kasi mainit (pero lahat naman atang room mainit). Pag pumasok ka kasi sa loob, ang gloomy tingnan. Parang nakakaantok na nakakalungkot. Blue kasi yung pader e. Patay yung kulay. Parang walang buhay. Pag lingon mo pa sa bintana, puro puno. Aww, sarap matulog. Ang gusto ko lang naman sa kabilang section na Quartzite e yung room nila, yun kasi yung dulo. Andami pang bintana at ang aliwalas tingnan, yun nga lang tapat nun ang Faculty room. Haha. Masaya naman ang section namin kahit nasa kabila halos yung mga maiingay may natira pa rin naman. Haha. 

4:20

Pagkatapos ng NAKAKABAGOT na orientation, pumanik ulit kami sa taas sa room namin. Tumambay sandali. Ang bilis natapos ng 1st day. Hindi pa rin nag si-sink in sakin na 4th year na ako. Parang 3rd year lang din e. Parang hindi kami yung pinakamatanda. Hindi ko pa siguro ma-absorb. hay! Siguro bukas, o sa makalawa. Haha. Haay. 4th year na ako, kami. Masaya at nakakalungkot. :

Bukas nalang ulit. Kita kita nalang tayo Seniors.